Lovely Little Insomniac.

But it’s not just over a boy, and this boy didn’t do anything to hurt me. 

I’ve been in love with him for over 4 years. He is one of my best friends and I love him more than I have loved anyone. I could spend the rest of my life with him, and wouldn’t regret a single thing.

The only reason why we broke up so long ago was because I moved here with my family. He lives in Hagerstown, where we met and I used to live. He came to visit me last weekend, and every single feeling came back to me. All the reasons why I loved him in the first place were there. The only thing holding us back was the fact that he has a girlfriend.

I’m hurting because he’s all I’ve ever wanted. He’s all I’ve ever needed. He’s everything to me. I’m never like this. In normal relationships, I honestly don’t care this much about someone. I’ve been hurt so many times, that it just doesn’t phase me anymore. But he has never hurt me. Not once. And I know he still loves me too, but he’s with his girlfriend now.

And I’ve left my whole life in Hagerstown. All my friends and everyone else is there. If I had a car, I’d be there in a heart beat. But I don’t. I’m miserable here. I don’t have many friends here, and I don’t have much to do around here. I’ve been fired twice since february for bs reasons, and I’m just not happy. 

How does one fix a heart that is beyond repair?

Oh how the years have passed. Looking at you, talking with you, made me realize how much I crave for your loving attention once again. But of course, it’s useless, because she has all of you now.

I fell for you in one second; one look, one word, it’s all it took. I was head over heels. 

Maybe we were meant to be star crossed lovers. Maybe we are never meant to be together, only cursed to wander in thoughts of what could’ve been. 

I’m blessed to have someone in my life, something that actually went right, someone like you. Even though we didn’t last. 

You are the only one I want to turn to. My heart is shattered, and it’s in dire need of repair. I’m choking on my words, and i’m dying to call you and tell you ‘I love you. I miss you. I want you. I need you.’ But I digress. 

Maybe one day, maybe in another life, we can hold hands once again.

Until then I’ll look out for my shooting star and continue to make useless wishes on 11:11.

I think I need something more than just your word tonight.

So many thoughts going through my head. So many words left unsaid. My heart can barely take this anymore. I want to be happy, but instead I stay in this state of mind where nothing can go right, and everything about me is a mess. I’ve let myself go, to the point where I’ve lost myself in the midst of it all. I wish someone could just take me away, far away. Show me how it means to be happy and care free.